A Subs Guide to Choosing a Dom

If you’re just into casual BDSM as a weekend thrill or and occasional release then all that you to be a good submissive is do as you’re told. But if BDSM is more than a hobby for you, then being a good submissive is not just obeying. In my opinion the mark of a good submissive is just not their willingness to submit or need to please, but to whom they choose to submit.

The mark of a good submissive is not a willingness to submit to a Dominate, but to what Dom they choose to submit.

For a natural submissive BDSM is a lifestyle and the Dominate they choose essentially determines the quality of their life. This is especially important because, while a sub can get out of a bad relationship, the nature of being submissive makes choosing to get out difficult. So, as a submissive, if you want a good fulfilling life you need to choose a good Dominate for you.

So how does a sub choose a Dom? There are three main things to understand.

First, choosing a good Dom means choosing one that has a Compatible understanding of the BDSM lifestyle as yourself. Not one that just practices the same flavor of BDSM, but has the same philosophy about it.

Do you believe that a Dom should control every aspect of a subs life and be absolutely strict? Do you believe the role of a Dom is to guide the sub to being a better person? Are you very public about your lifestyle or do you think it should be a secret? Whatever your point of view of BDSM is, you need a Dom that understands it the same way or you will not be compatible in the long term.

Second, once you find a Dom that has the same philosophy on BDSM as you do, then you need to make sure they have the Ability to do it. Someone can believe that art is the most important thing in the world, that doesn’t automatically mean they can paint. For example, if you’re a full-time submissive, meaning you can’t turn it on and off, you need to make sure your Dom is also full-time. Also if you feel a Dom should also be a mentor, then you need a Dom with wisdom to guide you.

The third and most important thing is Respect. The Dominate shouldn’t be someone you will submit to, but someone you want to submit to. This means they need to be someone you can respect.

Are they someone that lives an honest life? Trust is a huge part of BDSM, if your Dom exploits other people’s trust then you can’t expect them to not do the same to you.

Do other people rely on them for advice? If the other people in their life come to them for important advice then they probably have wisdom and a natural Dominate personalities.

Do they make choices for you for you, or for themselves? A lot of people want to be Doms simply to control someone else. This is fine for a casual D/s relationship but a good full-time Dom should be willing to make personal sacrifices to care for their sub without hesitation. If not, they aren’t someone you can trust to make decisions for you.

If you cannot respect your Dom, you aren’t going to trust and obey them.

If this sounds really complicated, don’t worry. As with everything in BDSM this is not a one sided decision. Your Dom has to choose you as well and a good Dom will know of the match is right.